Benjamin Franklin Is Going to be Pissed

Did you know?

Even if President Obama's certificate of live birth is a fake, as is alleged by some 'birthers,' they still have very little to complain about, and there is a legal precedent for a situation of this kind. Even if Obama did not come into this world by live birth, he wouldn't be the first American president to have been hatched from an egg.

First, a little background on the subject: 'Exovum syndrome,' as it is commonly called, is a rare but harmless abnormality that occurs in the last month of pregnancy. The mother expels the egg and must keep it warm until it hatches. She also usually lays a trophic egg, which is used to nourish the child, and lasts for several days. As a result, exovum mothers produce slightly less breast milk than is usual during the first week after the child hatches.

There is no solid evidence that President Obama was born exovum, but for the sake of argument, let's assume that he was. He's in good company. Many highly respected historical figures were born in this fashion, including Edouard Manet, Amerigo Vespucci, and an early American president: Benjamin Franklin.

'But wait,' you might say, 'Benjamin Franklin was never president!' It is true that Franklin was never the acting public President of the United States, but he was president of the U.S.S.G., the United States Shadow Government, for over a decade. The shadow government used to have far more power than they do now, and rather than a rudimentary contingency organization meant to replace the government in case of emergency, they were a nefarious group of bullies, unrestrained by law, who kept wild electricity in static cages and used it to perpetrate their dark deeds. They operated clandestinely for several years before the first public president was even in office. Franklin was forced to fake his own death in 1790 when George Washington all but dissembled the U.S.S.G, gutting their membership with the aide of his network of spies. Franklin decided to have himself placed in a sate of dormancy until such time as he could be revived and regain his former power. Although cryogenics was a very young technology at the time, Franklin's preservation was successful, and he remains frozen in a location known only to a select few. It is believed by some that members of the U.S.S.G. still operate, and they will revive Benjamin Franklin when the time is ripe for him to don his battery-jar crown.

Were he to be revived today, he would surely be appalled at the number of 'birthers' grasping at straws in an attempt to sully the name of Barack Obama rather than offering any constructive arguments in response to his actual politics.

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Stick Your Portable Electronics in the Freezer

Did you know? You can almost double the lifespan of most of your portable electronics such as mp3 players, cell phones and hand-held game systems by storing them in the refrigerator of freezer when you're not using them.

Remember, you read it here!